Deviant Advice

So there you are, minding your own business and suddenly the lights go off behind you. Yup, you’re being pulled over. Totally blows ass, but if you’re gonna drive, it’s gonna happen at some point. And for those of you who say you’ve never gotten a ticket, shut up. You probably didn’t get a ticket because you or your lawyer bulshitted their way out of one. Even if you haven’t gotten a ticket, you’ve been pulled over at least once.

Points on your license, rising insurance rates, and a whole host of other crap can take a simple traffic ticket into a hellish experience… unless you know how to fight it and win. Granted, it takes some effort, but it might be worth it. Here at DeviantAdvice, we’re always working to make your life better. So to wit, we give you our guide on how to fight a traffic ticket, althouth we aren’t guaranteeing a win (thanks for making the lawyers happy -ed)

Ok. A ticket sucks, we all know that. Of course, fighting it may seem like more time than it’s worth, but that time may end up saving you money on insurance and fines and such. Now, in order to fight the ticket, you have to be on your “A” game and that’s going to start the instant you are pulled over.

1) Be honest. Were you speeding? Changing lanes without signalling? Following too close? Realize that the cop is pulling you over for a reason. Sure, part of it might be due to the fact that it’s the end of the month and the quota is low, but that just means they’re letting less crap slide. So you are being pulled over for a legit reason. And that leads nicely to:

2) Do NOT take this up with the cop pulling you over. It’s not his job to represent the entire legal system. He’s just some guy with a badge who caught you doing something stupid, or else just being unobservant. Don’t worry, it happens to all of us (I’ve never had a ticket -ed). The cop is just there to enforce the code. So be nice to him, it may help you out. And we move to:

3) Don’t incriminate your stupid ass. The cop says “do you know why I pulled you over?” What he’s doing is getting an outright admission from you that you fucked up. Unless you’ve been caught speeding, just reply that you aren’t sure. However, don’t sound mystified. This is precisely the wrong time to act as though being pulled over is a foreign concept. A simple “Honestly sir/ma’am, I’m not sure” goes a long way. Plus adding in that “sir/ma’am” part helps out too since it shows the cop that you’re a nice person and cops like nice people more than assholes who think that a doughnut joke or a quota-reference is a good idea here. Don’t be that asshole and your chances of getting off with a warning go up dramatically. Now, if you’ve been caught speeding, you REALLY need to be honest here, but only to a point. Don’t answer with “I might have been going a little fast back there while trying to race that stupid-ass kid in the Honda with the park-bench wing and that retarded exhaust that makes his $3000 car sound like a $3000 weed-eater.” Instead, haul out the “Honestly sir/ma’am, I’m not sure” and let the cop take the lead here. When they tell you that you were speeding, look remorseful, but not like a dingo just ate your baby. Unless you were doing 65 on a city street intentionall (dumbass), you were likely just not paying attention. Again, it happens (not to me -ed). And that goes right into:

4) Just accept what the officer says. Don’t argue physics here or explain that there’s no way in hell the car you’re driving could be going that fast for whatever reason (weight of the car, weight of you, traffic, a slow-moving white bronco ahead of you, etc). Also, don’t use this time to explain that you’ve never been pulled over (like me -ed). The cop doesn’t care because it’s not his job to care. He writes tickets and, on occasion, gets to run red lights and that’s it. So go with whatever he says. As long as you’re polite (“oh my, that is a bit fast”), the cop is likely to let you go with a warning. Unless it’s the end of the month or else you were attempting to haul ass in your Prius, then you’re pretty much going to get a ticket. If so, not all is lost. Let’s take this up to:

5) Court date. If you decide to fight it, try to push it off as far as possible. Ask for something called a “continuance.” Basically you’re just saying you need more time to prepare your case and ensure that your defense is thorough and accurate according to your rights as guaranteed by The Constitution. For the less-than-legal amongst you, I’m telling you that a “continuance” is like saying “time out” to the judge. Got it? Great. So yes, ask for one and you’ll likely get it. Ask for a second one and you may get it, but it’s iffy. Ask for a third one and you’ll likely be held in contempt, which means more fines and a potential stay in county lockup. So don’t get greedy. Why ask for one? Well, it’s simple. Cops typically have to come to court on their days off since it would be impossible to keep the police force’s dwindling numbers effective if x amount of cops were out daily for court dates. So if you challenge the ticket, a cop has to come in on a day off and he’s not likely to do that if your fine is small. That said, if you’re challenging a massive ticket (something like, say, 80 in a school zone) then the cop is likely going to show up. If he doesn’t show, you win because your accusor isn’t there to represent the city. If he does show, then you have to move along to:

6) Winning your case. Basically it’s down to your word versus the cop’s and his equipment. Is this a traffic incident like failure to signal or a bad lane change? Well, if you got a ticket for that and the cop’s there, then you fucked up and you might as well just tell the judge and ask for some leniency. He may reduce your fine. If you’re there for speeding, then let’s hope you used your continuance wisely by asking the police department for maintenance records on the equipment the cop used to bust you. You did do that, right? You didn’t? You dumb bastard. Again, just be honest here and ask for leniency. In speeding tickets, you won’t get it usually, but sometimes they’ll reduce the offense enough to where it won’t go on your insurance. Of course, this is where being nice in steps 2, 3, and 4 come in handy. The cop may already have reduced it enough. However, if you DID use your continuance to request the maintenance records (and good on you for that), then make sure you bring it along with any information you can get on how often the manufacturer recommends that the units be serviced (it’s likely that the department doesn’t service it often enough). Also, do detail the scene where you were pulled over. Heavy traffic? Construction? Precipitation? All things that can cause an improperly-serviced unit to report incorrect data. So be thorough, but not unrealistic (“light drizzle” is not the same a a monsoon; two cars is not “gridlock traffic” and so forth). As long as you present your case thoroughly and respectfully, you will likely move on to:

7) Paying your fine. Look, the legal system is built on many things: justice, equality, fairness, etc. However, this isn’t the legal system. Fines are actually a revenue stream for the city and they aren’t likely to give up money for any reason. So while you may present a glorious argument about how the radar equipment in the cop’s car that hasn’t been serviced in 2 years may have misread the speed results by hitting a different car and also getting an incorrect result because of the rain that day, the court doesn’t care. They know the cop pulled you over with cause and that’s enough for them. So you’ll likely have to pay the fine anyways. If you fought it, then you’ve likely taken at least 2 days off of work (one to file your continuance and one to fight the ticket) and who knows how much money you missed out on, or vacation days you’ve wasted all so a judge can reduce your $150 ticket to about $80. If you win, it’s a hollow victory anyways. So why not just pay the fine in the first place. If you were polite in steps 2, 3, and 4 then you’re probably already coming out ahead, so why get greedy?

And with that, we close. We hope that you found this guide useful and informative. While we can’t guarantee you won’t get pulled over (like I never do -ed), we can at least guarantee that following our guide will help the process go much smoother. And hey… let’s be careful out there.