Deviant Advice

Hi Deviant Advice.

Let me be clear. I’m goddam pissed off. What’s with this stupid “Princess” bullshit? Even my girlfriend is into it. She always calls herself “Princess” and has the “Stop for the Princess” license plate thing. She always makes these jokes about how I’m her servant and such. What the hell? Do I dare stand up and remind her that Princesses were subservient to their princes? Do I just grin and bear it? I’m about ready to dethrone her!

- VK, Jonesboro

Honestly VK, we’re not totally sure about it ourselves. Frankly, we think it’s just a selfish thing that we can probably trace back to Oprah (don’t you blame her for everything anyways? – ed), or someone. Hell if we know, but we agree it’s damn stupid. We do have a theory though, and it goes like this…

Your girlfriend was probably told by either her drunk Mom or her emotionally-retarded Dad that, by golly, she was special. She was more than the girl who was likely raised in a mobile home park somewhere in the South. In fact, they probably told her that the world was hers for the taking and that should could be anything she wanted. She could be a model, the President, an astronaut, or anything she could imagine. So she took this to heart as a child and thought “hey. I could even be a Princess” (despite having no lands or title, but hey…). Of course, eventually the harsh grip of reality took hold and she realized what being a Princess meant and realized that it wasn’t in the cards for her. So she put the thought away and went on about adulthood. Well, then she hits some strange second adolescence. Suddenly she thought “Hey, so I can’t be a real Princess,  but I can act like one and it’ll be cute.” So she just cutes it up and starts dazzling people (that’d be you, by the way) with her “charm.”

Son, you’re dating Britney Spears.. run.