Deviant Advice

Heey Deviant Advice.

This is my deal. I like to get high on occasion, but the husband isn’t into it. I used to get high all the time before we got married and I really miss it. Should I stay with him?

- TM, Washington DC

Seriously TM, I don’t even know where to start.

Well, maybe I do.

The fact of the matter is, you made a conscious choice to change a behavior in order to get married to this guy. Boy, were YOU stupid. Changing parts of yourself for no good reason is simply beyond retarded. Since you still crave the chronic, it’s quite obvious you still want to get high. So why stay with this? Clearly, it isn’t working for you.

This isn’t going to be easy, especially since your hobby includes getting baked out of your mind from time to time. There’s a very real chance that you might actually forget what you’re doing, as you’re doing it. So do yourself a favor and write little notes, or take along a trusted friend just in case.  During the whole process, your ex-to-be is likely going to take one of three approaches:

beg you to stay, but with the current restrictions in effect (most likely)
agree to let you toke up every now and again (less likely)
go absolutely insane and start accusing you of being a horrible drug user and never amounting to anything and blah blah blah (pretty damn likely)

Of course, if he does take option two there (hey, it could happen) then that’s likely going to open up a whole other can o’ worms. He’s either going to be constantly resenting you, or -worse- he’s going to suddenly become your best pal and soking buddy. And, honestly, if he does start allowing it, are you willing to take a chance on having  marriage based on spite when, in fact, most marriages are based on outlandish lies? Yeah, that’s what I thought.

So TM, it really seems like there’s only one solution. Get the hell out of there.

And pick me up some brownies. I’m seriously fucking hungry after all this writing about pot.